Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I want a musical about memes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
