So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
