I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
