It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
