i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
