Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
