i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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