I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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