I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
