Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
