stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
