I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
