I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
