I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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