i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
