The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
