You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
