They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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