Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
