Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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