There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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