It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
