i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
