Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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