The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
