non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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