You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
