Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
