i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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