Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
