420 ftw
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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