My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i will never coherently bang her
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
