didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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