would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Panties = found
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
