ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
