Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
