Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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