??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
