nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
