remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
