Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
