$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
