I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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