I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
