You can't motorboat a personality
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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