I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
