Your mouth is God's brothel.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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