i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
