He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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