How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
