Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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