So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
