i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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