He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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