it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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