Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
